This week started well, then took a weird side turn.
The beginning of the week started well, as I discussed in an earlier post.
In the background, as some of you may recall, I was made redundant a few weeks back. I’m still kind of in a weird post-redundancy announcement limbo where, effectively, I’m still under contract, but was also told to look for other roles within the company’s careers portal that I might migrate to. Unemployment is still looming, and I’m told not to actually do any work. Nobody has even asked me for a handover.
At the same time, there are some “negotiations” about my departure that are ongoing, and which, for contractual reasons, I am legally prohibited from discussing in detail.
All I can say is that I finally got the response back from HR on Wednesday that “finalised” these negotiations, and not in a good way, and put paid to any doubts about finding another role within the company. It was frankly a gut-punch.
As usual for a Wednesday, I was already fasting, about 12 hours in. So there may have been some natural fasting brain fog. But the anxiety that kicked in after my gut punch just turned the volume on that white noise up to eleven.
In biological terms, cortisol – the stress hormone – put me into what’s called an Amygdala Hijack, where my primitive lizard brain is saying “fight or flight!” and drowning out the higher functions of the prefrontal cortex.
There were a couple of practical things I needed to do that day, not least of which was speaking to my lawyer again.
No doubt all of that combined with the strange vagueness about what day of the week it is that comes with not having regular job responsibilities. What happened on Wednesday afternoon was that I got ready for my run and headed off as normal.
Those of you who pay sharp attention will have already spotted the deliberate mistake. I don’t run on Wednesdays. I swim on Wednesdays! Yesterday, Tuesday, was my running day and I’d already had a run.
Not only did I have a run, but it was such a good run I literally blogged about it that day! It was a milestone of a run!
It wasn’t until I finished my warm-up – just a 5-minute walk – that I remembered it’s Wednesday!
At that point I had a simple choice, either come home, get changed again out of my run gear and then later change yet again into my swim gear.
So I thought – what the heck, I’m here now – let’s just run!
And so I did – just the easy version of my current running program – 7 x 2 mins running with 1 mins rest. My legs were a bit heavy (no great surprise) but, I surprised myself and managed it ok.
Afterwards, I got home, a bit hot and sweaty, and looked at the clock. It was literally bang on the time that I’d get ready for my usual Wednesday evening swim. And I do love to swim. There was still time…
Any sensible person would have just called it a day, had a shower, and chilled for the evening. There was nothing stopping me from swapping my days around for a change, running on Wednesday, swimming on Thursday!
But I think my anxious brain was still just on autopilot, so I did the unthinkable, got changed into my swim gear and off I went to the pool!
I’m not sure what I was expecting. I figured I’d be a little fatigued, but the reality was far worse. I did my first warm-up lap (one length breaststroke, one length of balance drills for front crawl), then started my usual set, which should have been 250m freestyle. That would be ten lengths of the pool.
But I got to the end of the fourth length and I was done. My arms felt like lead! I had no strength at all. Basically, the run had burnt out my glycogen stores, and despite being very “fat adapted,” the internal processes that provide energy from stored fat just couldn’t keep up with the high-intensity demand of the stroke anymore.
I guess this was a combination of factors – I was at that stage about 18 hours into a 36 hour fast, and my earlier stress would have also taken its toll. It really should be no surprise that I ran out of steam
I made the most of it. I worked on some specific swim drills and skills. Usually I swim freestyle with bilateral breathing. What that means, for those non-swimmers, is that I breathe on each side, with a three-stroke pattern. So – I breathe as one arm recovers after a stroke, using my natural rotation to bring my head up just far enough to get some air, then stroke-stroke-stroke and breathe on the other side.
Many people who swim breathe on one side only, so it’s more like stroke-stroke-breathe. The extra stroke keeps you streamlined for longer and reduces drag. The regular “unilateral” breathing often leads to muscular imbalances and potential injuries since you’re always breathing on one side only.
What I focused on that night was extending my bilateral breathing to a five-stroke pattern. Breathe, then stroke-stroke-stroke-stroke-stroke and breathe on the other side, repeat another five strokes and breathe on the opposite side again.
It took me a little trial and error, but I got into the swing of it eventually. Obviously, breathing less makes swimming more challenging from a cardiovascular perspective, which fits perfectly. I was not really able to swim more than one lap, two lengths of the pool at a time (it’s a 25 meter pool, so 50 meters for each lap).
Because I could only swim slowly and steadily, it was also a great opportunity to really focus on my stroke mechanics for those two lengths.
My swim watch seemed to be as confused as I was on Wednesday, so didn’t track exactly how many lengths I did, but since I was forced to rest after every 50 meters, I imagine it was only maybe 10-12 maximum rather than my usual 20-30 lengths.
Still, I made the most of it – extending my bilateral breathing is something I’ve been meaning to try for some time. Incorporating sections of this type of swimming is good for cardiovascular fitness, but also, in principle, should help my speed since raising the head to breathe is one of the natural “brakes” you apply when swimming.
The less you breathe, the quicker you swim. For context, 50m elite sprint swimmers will swim an entire length without taking a breath, just on the oxygen in their lungs at the start, in order to completely minimize the drag from breathing.
Anyway, as I say, it was a weird day, but I made the most of it.
And in hindsight, weird as it was, it was a huge win. Why? Because my default reaction to my stress was to take more exercise! While this was not ideal, when I think back to even six months ago, my stress reaction would have been either to order takeout or maybe even have a drink. Or both!
It was completely unconscious, but I would rather have gone out for another swim than wallow in anxiety and misery!
And after arriving at the pool and realising I was depleted with leaden arms, I could have just gotten out of the pool and come home. Instead, I made the best out of a bad situation and focused on some valuable swimming skills.
All in all, I feel very proud of myself!
And just to add a more upbeat note – I had a job interview on Friday that was incredibly positive, with a company that I feel is genuinely a great fit for my skills and experience. While I don’t want to count my chickens just yet, it really takes a load off! 😊


