Pissed, and pissed off with myself!

Another two weeks almost since my last post and again all gone pear shaped.

I’ve put on 3lbs since then taking me back up to 18 stone 5lbs (257lbs / 116.6kg) – frankly I am quite pleasantly surprised it isn’t more. And again I think it’s pretty clear to me why – just as I get back into a routine I go and sabotage myself, usually starting with the “decision” to buy some wine as a “treat”.

While it’s not something anyone ever likes to admit to themselves it’s now pretty damned clear that I have a drink problem. The definition of a drink problem is when alcohol is having some real negative effects on your life – and since it is sabotaging my weight loss attempts, leading me into a vicious circle of self-recrimination, I must conclude now that it’s definitely a problem.

So as of today – 25th August – I’m quitting drinking.

When I first started fasting I’d already been off drinking for 6 months, and in total I stayed off of drinking for the best part of 2 years, which is the longest I’d ever gone without a drink before.

So I know I don’t “need” to drink, and I even remember creating a spreadsheet that worked out just how much money I saved by not drinking.

I then used the excuse of a painful breakup with my girlfriend of 3 years to decide to go back to drinking, and since then, rather than completing my goal of losing 100lbs, I’ve just been back and forth losing and regaining the same 30lbs lurching between 16 and 18 stone (230lbs and 260lbs / 105kgs and 120kgs).

So this just has to stop.

As of yesterday I am teetotal (my last drink was the night before – 23rd August), so today is day 2 of sobriety.

I am committing NOT to drink again AT LEAST until I have hit that original 100lbs weight loss target (getting to 12 stone 12lbs / 180lbs / 82kgs). Hopefully by that point I will have convinced myself that going back to drinking is just plain dumb as it will no doubt lead me to sabotage myself again.

So many times even in this blog I’ve highlighted how alcohol is like a quintuple threat to weight loss:

1) You have the empty calories from the drink itself. Not ideal!

2) It almost immediately affects your judgment – so if you’d decided to have just one drink you are more likely to ignore that and have two. Or more. Or a bottle (if you’re me, anyway)

3) It’s an appetite enhancer – so now you are more likely to feel hungry – again, not ideal when you’re fasting.

4) Now you get the combo effect of 2) and 3) – you feel a false sense of appetite, and then your bad judgment leads you to make bad choices about what to eat. And how much to eat.

5) Then you have the morning after effect – now the hangover kicks in. Mine have definitely gotten worse the older I get, even if I drink lots of water the night before with an electrolyte tablet to ensure hydration I still feel like crap the next day and so any exercise/training I had planned goes completely out the window. I’m also far less likely to stick to a fast day if I’m hungover.

Then of course it’s worth remembering the expense. On a bad week I might go through four bottles of wine or even more. That’s about £25-30 a week – £1,300-£1,500 a year. That’s the cost of a vacation!!

I really shouldn’t need to convince myself, it’s just a bad habit I’ve let myself get back into, and for me it’s destroying my chances of hitting my weight loss goals.

So – let’s start again – after eating this evening I’m giong to be fasting for the first time in a week, and aiming for a 48hr fast to kick start my weight loss again.

Next week I’ll be reporting back in with some great weight loss results I’m sure. On my good weeks when not drinking I’ve easily lost 5lbs a week, I have about 5 stone 7lbs (77lbs / 35kg) to lose, so in theory I could lose that in just over 15 weeks from today which would be early December!

I don’t want to self-sabotage by setting myself unrealistic / difficult targets and I know that it’s always easier to lose larger amounts of weight at the beginning of any weight loss program so I’m going to aim for my birthday – that’s the end of February 2022! That would be a good date to aim for since it will be exactly 40 years since I last weighed less than 13 stone (180lbs / 82kgs!). To hit that deadline I only need to lose 3lbs a week on average!